MORE CHOCOLATE PLEASE

(*for whole story go to "Chocolate Hook" below.)
Yes, we all want more of this rich irresistible substance. But why? The why for me will be told after I expound some on what my life was like during the many years of indulgence.
Now this is not a pity party I am writing about. This is what I have been able to work out about my life. As a child, (this is were all things start), being the youngest I felt left out. I found out many years later that I left myself out, and here is why. I had to be on my very best behavior, look perfect and don't look or be a way that might cause someone to be unhappy. That is a lot of pressure to put on a child. Perfectionism was not only my mothers way of living but it was also in my fathers way of doing things. So double whammy for me and my three sisters. I found if I could keep my bedroom and anything I did in the house as perfect as I could there was usually less capital punishment from my mother. On the other hand if I could "do", water ski or snow ski, shovel rocks, wash the boat or cars, drive the boat etc., the way my dad wanted me to he would pay attention to me and take me with him. This is not to say that my parents didn't love me because they did to the best way they knew how and I loved them. This also sounds like I was a spoiled child with all that stuff and what is so wrong with work for a child? But it was not the work that I had a hard time with. It was that I felt it had to be perfect. There were many times as a new wife and mother that I would stand back and say to myself: if my mother were to be here right now would she approve? If I saw something out of place I would then fix it. Try to be a sane mother of little ones and have that belief, that doesn't work. So inside I always felt inadequate.
When I saw that my friends were better than me at sports, I felt like I had failed in some way. Here I was doing everything I knew how to be the best, then, here comes someone who knows a way to do it better. I spent so much time trying to prove to myself that I was important and good enough. Along with this there was generational depression. So as an adult I suffered from self doubt and depression.
I grew up in a home that our religion did not allow alcohol use, even though I dabbled in it for a short while, so I didn't drink to drown my problems. What I did do was to work more and push harder, physically and mentally. I was on a self imposed merry-go-round. Day in and day out around and around I would go. Disapprove of myself, then work really hard to feel better. After six children and a terrible marriage I went to the one thing that would make me feel better, C-H-O-C-L-A-T-E! Along with this I also went to as many classes and self help courses that I could possible find. I became a coach, an instructor of workshops and went to six years of college in psychology while still eating chocolate, I was still into being perfect even with these instruments of healing. I realized chocolate was a drug to me. I was self medicating myself. To keep from crying all the time, or sleeping all day and from screaming at my kids.
(If You will go to Dr. Mona Lisa Schultz web site she tells why we self medicate with carbohydrates ) This chocolate was a drug that kept me from crumbling. It kept me from dropping over the edge to no return.
I did try anti-depressants for a few months but there were none that really helped me. I changed my diet and became a Vegan for a few years that helped me so much. I started running short distances again and that was even better. I needing my chocolate though I had decreased my intake of it. However I was continuing telling myself that I was not important enough and that I must do better. I did really well when I was high on my chocolate, at least I had everyone fooled that I was. Then when my second marriage started to crash, I hit the point that I had had enough and I wanted to be happy.
The only thing I knew was to get on my knees in urgent earnest prayer. By this time I was hiding my chocolate use, because it was so often that I eat it, my husband was worried I would get fat. That was all I needed to hear, and I must not get fat, so I worked hard not getting fat for him. I kept saying that I had quit using chocolate, then I would find myself at the store buying a bag of something dark and chocolaty.
I had read in the scriptures that if you ask God for something with real intent and with faith, and for your good he would give it to you. So I went to the temple of my church. I went in to the alter of the temple and I asked God to remove this problem from me. This was after fasting, much prayer and pondering about it for a few days. After placing this on the alter of that temple that day, I immediately knew then that it was gone. It was gone! I felt a sweet feeling come over me. I received many pieces of spiritual information that day that are sacred to me that I will not mention here, but my life was changed forever. I walked out of the Temple healed. I have never craved or wanted chocolate since that day. I can't really stand the smell of it even now. It was done. I was free. After all these years I felt free and peace about this albatross I had chosen for myself. I was no longer depressed I had life and energy and I had a happy feeling. I started running more, I have ran six marathons and 10 half marathons since then. I don't run those anymore. I just run because I love it now. I run 4-8 miles a day and that is enough for me.
The day at the alter is a day that I will never forget and it is sweet and special to me now. It has been a wonderful point in my life that I have been changing many things that have kept me from being and feeling free and love. Of cores I have and will have things that I am working on all the time. But that was the key that opened my heart to healing myself and knowing that I could through a divine power that I or anyone can go to and "ask and it will be given to you"

Because of this experience I have been on a path of learning many modalities of healing through energy. I have experienced my family, friends and others who have learned these modalities. I will be sharing them with you through my blogs.
Take your problems to the alter of God and ask for it to be healed. And it will if you have faith that it will. Have a happy day today!