Jacklen's Alter

Little Isla Tyne born July 17, 2008

2008-08-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

Isla Tyne

Our dear little Isla Tyne McHugh is here. She is so chuncky and sweet. What a wonderful little person to add to our great family. Mama Bree, and baby are doing great.

Gram Jacklen got to be there.

Daddy and
big
brother are singing baby Isla a new song to welcome her into the family! Sweet

Staying Conscious

2008-08-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I have put some new stuff on my blog. Many things are changing in me and I am not sure how to express them. I just know that I am excited about how my life will change and move through this existence on the earth. I am taking a huge look at being awake and seeing where I am sleeping in my life and not being totally open to being awake.
I was having a tuff time with some judgment of a person who is my life. I tried to see how I was like this person, because when we have such strong feelings about someone it is usually because there is a part of us that holds some of that energy inside. It is energy to protect us or to remind us of what we have not wanted to see or look at or work on. So it took me sometime to accept that I am like this person, then it took another day to see what message I could learn from this energy that I was so desperate to keep hidden inside of me hidden so I don't know how much help it could be to me.
It wasn't that I am totally like this person, it is that there is some part of that person inside of myself that has either been protecting me or keeping me from some sort of hurt for fear. I found out that the part of me that was poking its little head out and saying to run, "no this is not true" that "I could not possible be like this person" was the part of me that I tell that it is stupid and that I would not be stupid anymore. I felt stupid when ever i stepped in a hole and tripped, or scraped my arm, or said something that really wasn't good for that moment. That was the part of me that I didn't want to see or be like. So when I was around this person I would shutter, I didn't say anything to him, I just kept it all bottled up inside of myself. But I was carrying it all around with me and I couldn't stop saying how can I be like this person.
So it really isn't that I am really like this person, it is the part inside of me that I felt the same feelings about this person, (stupid, no sense, doesn't have a clue,) is inside of me that I don't accept about myself. So I talked to the part of me that I am ruthless with, the part of me that is stupid, how could I do that, I don't even have a clue etc. I could see that this part of me is there for me by showing up for me when I am into my head, not conscious, just letting my head go on a tangent about some thought. It is one of my pain bodies. Lacey helped me to see that I can make friends with this feeling about me, when it comes up and I start hurting myself and getting way out there in my mind I can just see that it is only a reminder to get back to my real self of love and peace.
I have found two things that have helped me do this. One is to say the word YES over and over like a mantra, or the name of Christ from the Hebrew language which is - Jeshua another way of saying it is yeshiva, and said with a Y sound yeshua. This is where the word yes comes from. There are many ways to say the true name of the Creator.
The second thing that has helped me is to listend to Gregg Bradens God Code CD. He explains that we have the name of the creator in every one of our cells. That our cells are made up of Gods name. The creator of this Universe is in everyone of our cells!
If you have not heard it, do it. If you haven't listened to it lately, do it.
Just saying the name over and over like a meditation will bring you to love and peace. I promise you. We are all Gods, walking around thinking we will become some day after this life. But if we are a child of God, then we are little gods after we are born. Aren't our children little people just like us. Then we grow up we don't really know or don't want to be like our parents. So we don't.
But we are little Gods, and when we grow up we are still able to be Gods. Bringing peace and harmony to ours and others lives through, Agape love which is understanding of others. It is being unconditional with ourselves and everyone else. So today is a new understanding of myself. I know now how to bring peace to myself and share that with others. It is a choice everyday now to bring the God Code to my memory for I am a God. Literally according to scripture and science. I am so gratetful for the scientist part in Gregg, and that he is not afraid to talk about God and the power that is in us. Wonderful! Love and peace to you all.

2008-07-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

Last night I had my 3rd week of our Warrior Group. A group that was established while attending James Ray's Fabulous Harmonic Wealth Weekend. I have an awesome group. I was reminded last night on the call that I needed to look inward to see why I had what I had coming into my life. Later that night on another call from one of the members I was asked do I belief James, do I really believe what he is teaching. If I did I would not be living my life with low vibrations. James teaches that we must avoid at all cost anything that weakens us. I have been living for 5 years in a place, working at a job, going to a church, and I was last winter eating food that was not making me stronger. This is the awareness I have come to today. I had a good tear fest this after noon, because what was said last night had just struck me like a 2x4 board. I was lulling myself into thinking that this life was okay. That the place I lived had such great trails just over the ridge to go running on, I have used this lie as one of the things I tell myself to keep myself stuck. It hurts so bad to know that all that I think I am working for is just a big facade. I have been settling in my life for so long I don't even see it when I am doing it.
What really brought all this up is that I expressed to my group that I had gone to Bend OR. to meet a man who I thought might work as a partner for a husband. When I got there and saw the person that I had picked out for me, I felt disappointed in myself. I am sure this man was very nice and had some good qualities. But he wasn't anything I am dreaming of. So why did I go and do that to myself. I asked myself this question on the way home. I did come to the conclusion that I must stop settling for what I don't want.
I do believe in the teachings that James is teaching, and it is time for me to have some bold action. I am so scared right now, it comes from the years of trying to be perfect for my perfectionist parents (both of them) There was always a big production of how well I could do something. But it wasn't my way, it was their way. I understand that is all that they knew and that is ok. But now it is my life and I want to do it Royally, not in some illusion of being ok for now, or next year it will be different. I said that I was going to take this job for one year and here it has been five. Nothing is going to change unless I take a huge outrageous step toward my goals.I read this from Deepak today and I decided to share it here.

By Deepak

The most common story the mind tells is that you are your ego, a fixed “I” that is separate from the rest of the world. If you believe this story, it keeps you in bondage. The ego is limited, subject to fear, and consumed with the idea that it has to know what is going to happen in order to feel safe. The truth is that we don’t know what is going to happen. Really feeling safe, peaceful, and content comes from knowing that your true self is pure spirit, unbounded in time and space.

When you know the real you isn't inside your head, you have been set free, like awareness itself. Embracing the wisdom of uncertainty not only frees you from the ego’s illusion of control, it puts you right in the middle of the joyful flow of cosmic creativity. That is a much more enjoyable place to live life.

If you are living in the thrall of conditioned thought-patterns, now is the time to free yourself from your self-imposed incarceration. The key to unlocking the door lies within your soul. You can find it by listening to your inner self and identifying where you are living in bondage.

Being fully alive means continually striving to expand freedom in your life. When you move beyond your limitations and expand your sense of identity, exhilaration rises from your depths.

One of the greatest obstacles to true liberation is limiting beliefs and habitual behavior, including the mistaken idea that external forces limit our happiness ― “I am depressed because I’m stuck in an abusive marriage.” “I have this ulcer because my boss is controlling.” “I always get into bad relationships because my father abandoned me when I was young.”

We accept these limiting beliefs and engage in perpetual internal negotiations with these restrictive voices, never reaching agreement on the terms for our release. Common excuses I hear include: “As soon as my youngest child graduates high school, I’m leaving this toxic marriage,” or “Once I’m vested in my pension plan, I am saying goodbye to this stagnant job” or “After I get through the holidays, I am going to start exercising.”

Take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and become aware of any sensations of discomfort in your body. If you identify a place in your body that feels constricted or congested, ask yourself, “What life issue is this sensation telling me about?” Recognizing that emotional conflicts are often expressed as physical tension, allow any bodily sensations to bring your attention to possible mental debates you are having with yourself. Ask what you can do to create inner peace and free yourself from conflict. Plot your escape.

Being fully alive means continually striving to expand freedom in your life. When you move beyond your limitations and expand your sense of identity, exhilaration rises from your depths.

True freedom comes from breaking loose from the prison of past conditioning and the repetition of old memories and thought-patterns. The past is the known and offers no opportunity for choice and possibility. And the future exists only in the imagination. Freedom lies in the present moment, the only place where you can choose from an infinite range of possibilities.

Soooo....... I am breaking loose from my prison of having nothing I want. What I have now is what I use to be. My life isn't who I am it is who I use to be.

I will be writing soon to let you know what the

huge outrageous step
is that I am taking. I know it is big and it is

what I need to do to get my life jump started.

Send me lots of blessings so I can do this.

Thank you. Now go and do something

that brings you to your dreams.

Love Jacklen

If you are not growing it isn't always what you think.

2008-05-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

To day I received a collection notice from a video store. Of course it was one of those big bad notices that made you feel like you could never recover from it. I called the Collection service to find out who and what it was. It was a very small amount but inside I was going crazy. I just hated that someone could just send me to collections, with out letting me know that I owed them. Some thing way down inside of me was so bothered. I could see myself getting bothered, I kept saying my affirmations of what I am grateful for, but, I was still bothered. I asked my self what in the past had I been thinking that this showed up now. As we know what we were thinking in the past will show up in our lives now. What we are thinking and feeling now will be our future now. I know all this stuff. So I also asked myself what is it I am going to learn about myself now that this is with me. I sat down took big breathes and let out the tension I was feeling. I told myself even if this can't be solved, I can pay the debt easily so why all the fuss. I was starting to feel much better. I let the feeling get intense and let it wash over me. I knew a big Ah, Ha moment was surely coming to me. Because I have lately been aware of taking a look at what comes up for me in my life.
Everything in my life is and has come into my life because of my thoughts and emotions about that thing, which then creates a feeling. I use to think that if I visualized what I want and brought up really happy good feelings with that picture, that was how it would come to me. However I have found that the formula is to THINK-PUT EMOTION TO THAT THOUGHT-which has action with it. THEN I WILL HAVE A FEELING THAT WILL BRING THAT VIBRATION OF THE SAME TO ME.
So this is what I did today.
I sat down and took deep breaths felt the feelings intensely,
let them wash over me then the anger and self pity dissipated away.
My next step was to allow that this debt wasn't all that terrible, if I had to pay it then I would.
I took action called the video people and said that I wanted to take care of the debt. I also said I wanted it to be fair to them and me, would they help me. They said that it could be taken care of easily, to call tomorrow when the manager is there.
So this is why this showed up for me. It is my past thoughts showing up now as things in my life to show me that I really do create, and to look at how I see money in my life. To make sure I am not creating some of the same pain bodies, and change what ever fears, pain, anger I have left about money. I don't have to figure out what, why or where these pain bodies come from. I don't have to go into a big story to know that I have created them in the past. It was just an experience from some left over past creations to teach me that I am on the right path, to keep going, keep doing what I have been doing to bring more abundance to me. I know that the path I am on right now will bring me great wealth, health, success, peace, beauty,romance,fun, freedom,service, joy, giving and love. I have 10 fingers and two palms, these are the words I have given to each of them to help me to remember what I am and what I am creating in my life. Each day is such a delight now it is never a dull day and I am getting wiser and wiser with each wonderful day. So when you start to feel bad, remember it is easy to let it go, allow it to come in as a feeling then watch it go away. Then get back in the saddle again of creating what you want. I hope my experience has been up lifting for you as it has for me. Pain bodies can be wonderful teachers if we don't hang on and make a big story out of them. They are actually pretty comical if you really think about it. Have a great Sunny Day!!!!!

I See Our Lives As A Canvas Painting

2008-05-09T09:56:00.000-07:00

I was at a workshop recently, not one that I was teaching but one that I attended. Near the end of the time I was there, a clear image of my life came before my eyes as though it was on a canvas. It was a canvas that I had painted during my life on this earth. It was vivid colors some dark and deep, some very bright and light. All of it was beautiful and perfect.
The painting here in this post could be the life of someone, who put on their canvas all their feelings and experiences. This painting is perfect because the artist painted it from her life experience and choices
We can look at our past and see the colors and images we have created in our life. All of our paintings may not seem to our ego to be beautiful at all. However to our spirit our canvas is filled with all the right colors and scenes that has brought us to right now.
There was a time in my life that I would have said that my canvas was flawed. That it wasn't a very good picture and that I wish I had a different one. That was before I became awake. Now I know that by saying that I am awake that puts me in my ego again. So I will add that I will be awakening for the rest of my life from this point on.
Being awake to me is seeing and feeling that all of my life, all of it, is perfect just the way I have painted it. If I had not chose to focus on the paths that I have lived I would not be were I am right now. Awakening!
It is choices we make that let us see were we are focused. When we focus on something, rather it is negative and painful or peaceful and fulfilling, we will have that as our life. Were we focus is were we find ourselves at.
In this painting the artist is focusing on ocean scenes. Over and over again the picture is a scene of a beach sand blue ski and water green treas or shrubs, there is also a feeling that goes with each of these scenes, I see that it is inviting. Peaceful and looks like I want to be there.
When we are conscious we can chose anything we want. In order to obtain this picture into our physical life we must see it as though we are there. Put ourselves into the picture, looking out from the picture. Feeling the sand under our toes, feeling the warm mist in the air, on our faces. See the ocean as our own take in all the smells and colors.
When we paint our life canvas from now on, do it over and over of the things you want in your life. This is what came to me while becoming more awake. If we want our lives to be peace, health, wealth, love,great relationships, harmony. We must chose to BE that. Be on purpose with our thoughts and wants.
If we focus on what we don't want that is what we will get. The painting will still be beautiful even if it what we say we don't want. But if that is what we focus on that is truly what we want. and so it is perfect. I am now having so much fun painting my canvas with purpose from now on. I will only let the feelings of what I do want onto my palate. Because I can't go back to the person I have been I only have right now, and now, and now, and now, and now.
Have a wonderful purpose filled life. Love to all.

Love our Neighbor As Ourselves.

2008-02-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

Have you ever asked yourself what does love thy neighbor as thyself mean? Well, I have for most of my life.
I have been told that it means that we need to serve others, love others even if they hurt us, be nice even if they cut you off in the lane in front of you, even if they through their trash in your yard, love yourself so you can love others....these and many more.
Sundy Preston (sundyschool,blogspot.com) and I were talking on our cells about getting over and through our survival mind/body's, our stories or our biology that we carry around with us. Just when we start to feel happy and things in our lives are going better or quiet well in fact, we get this feeling that this is not enough. Or maybe we get really angry at our husband or kids. We start to feel we really don't get this life. We are still feeling and doing that old stuff we thought we were through with.
A brand new movie "The Moses Code" is now coming out on April 5th, and April 6th is a day they want to send out to the world love energy to the Middle East. I find this interesting that we calibrate this date in my church as the day that Christ was resurrected. We also believe that this is the day that Christ was born. Not December 25th. We have a big conference every year on or around this day. It is said that this new movie is more important than "The Secrete" movie. They talk about Moses seeing God in a burning bush. That God gave Moses a spacial message by saying to Moses who God was. He said I Am that, I Am. There are some really wonderful things coming into our presence. We are seeing so much good come into the world.
We are coming into a new great awareness and we can not turn back now. So if all these great things are coming why are we still struggling with ourselves sometimes. Why do we still not know who or what we want to be or do. Why do we have such strong negative feelings and dreads in our lives. What are those fears doing in our lives still. Have you been experiencing them? As Sundy and I were taking about some issues that were staring her in the face last night, this is what came to me from my divine guidance. It not only helped her it was great insight for myself as well, as it always is when this happens to me. We were talking about the symbolism when Eve is given the fruit from Satan. Well, if we are to liken the scriptures to ourselves...this is what came to me Eve being our Body and Adam being our spirit symbolically then Satan is our Ego in this story. Satan is doing his job and convincing Eve that she will be much better off if she eats of the (forbidden fruit). What is the fruit a symbol of in our lives? Why is Eve willing to partake of it? AT that moment I knew that the fruit is our beliefs that keep us from manifesting into our lives the love we so much desire. I want to know what this stuff means. So now when something come up about myself I look at it through these teachings. Just like Caroline Myss with her back ground, she can not help but use that background to help her understand what is now in her life and what she teaches. I know that all I have gained in this life is for my good, and I am going to use that good every chance I get.
Back to Eve. This is what I told Sundy, the feelings that she was having is from her survival mind/body. Some people call it their ego, some people call it the subconsciouses mind. It is that same place of fight or flight. The autonomic system that shuts things down or starts things running faster in our bodies and minds cells and chemical systems in us. If some of our old (child archetype) starts of show up for us we need to partake of it, feel it, get to know and see it in order to not let it take a hold of us and control our life and keep us from the tree of life, the great love of God.
My wonderful friend Deanna sends it to the light, but only after really seeing it, feeling it, and looking at it for what it has been for us and how it has actually effected our lives. This is what Eves survival mind was telling her, that there was no other way, she must go into the loan and dreary world, do the thing that scars us the most. Face our blocks of the pain and struggle so we can feel the love again. However today we know that we don't have to live our lives in sorrow and pain any more. We can look at these scary blocks and know that they aren't even real. They are just memories and decisions that we have made up to protect us and at this very moment we don't have to have them. There are many books and material to use to release these Ego (Satan) blocks. I am grateful for the knowledge of the blocks that I give myself as a child to bring me to the understanding that I have now. At this very moment I can change how I see and feel about my life. I can do that every moment from this point on.
If Satan is a symbol of our survival-ancient mind, (I am not suggesting that this is the only symbol of Satan that there is) then can this be what is meant by love thy neighbor. As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, what does love thy neighbor mean? While talking to Sundy, I understood it. In order for us to love our neighbor, whom is not always easy to love, they are in fact seemingly a stranger to us. They are not our family, who we love no matter what, most of the time. Our neighbors can cause us such grief sometimes.

They are people that we live by, see in the grocery store, you know the guy who seems to be more interested in himself than he is at what hurt or pain he is causing you. So why do we need to love them. So here is some more symbolism. Of course Jesus knew that our neighbor was going to be tough to like let alone love. When you love someone you feel vulnerable. They can hurt you. As a child we learn fast who to trust and who might hurt us. With this information secure in our memory. We think we can stay safe by distancing ourselves or pretending not be scared. Soon this memory becomes a belief and then a block on our growth. As you can see in the picture there is a banner wrapped around guns, knifes and brass knuckles. The picture is us, we have those weapons safely locked up inside of us. We think they will set us free. But Jesus said to love those people, and pray for those who dis- spitefully use you. This is what I got today: If we don't love ourselves enough to let go of these weapons we are not loving anything including ourselves. Some of the weapons we hold so dear to us are-My body isn't right, I could never be a image consultant. I don't know how to get the money. Every time my husband looks at me that way I just feel hate and I want to runaway. I feel so angry most of the time. I just can't move I don't know why. Why do I feel this way?
So, our neighbors are symbols of what we are really feeling in our selves. Love thy neighbor means to be able to look at where we are not willing to see ourselves. The feelings we have are not ever about the other person. If we can see who we are and why we're not loving ourselves. We then can see our others in a different loving light. So when your neighbor or that guy you live with starts to push your buttons, remember it is you whom you need to see. Because if you don't know and love you...how in the heck do you think you can love others. Let it go and let God!!! Now have a great experience loving your self to-Day!!!

Cup of Chocolate a Day might keep your feeligs away.

2008-01-20T15:37:00.000-08:00

Yes I am writing more on the chocolate addiction I spent years getting over.
When my Friend Linda and I went to Italy to watch my daughter Lacey and her ski team in the 2006 Paralympics we were amazed at how much chocolate was sold and bought there. You could go into a cafe and oder a cup of hot chocolate and they would bring out a small cup with literally melted chocolate. People would sip on it so it was like having a chocolate bar in a cup. It wasn't like in the USA were we take chocolate milk and warm it up and serve it as hot chocolate. In Italy they served what we asked for; chocolate hot in a cup.
After many months of being chocolate free, I noticed all the times that I had turned down an invitation to have some chocolate. At first I told everyone "No thank-you I don't eat chocolate." But because most of the people who offered were saying "What! of course you eat chocolate!"
"Here you have to try this"and "Oh, here just have a little bit, just try it you'll love it." I decided to just not explain or say that I didn't eat it, but just no thank-you. It was hard to convince
some that I really didn't want any of their... precious chocolate. I felt mad and upset at first, but didn't say anything. I thought what if people did that to an alcoholic or someone who was a diabetic and couldn't eat sugar. How inconsiderate of them. My eyes were very aware of how much people push sugar and chocolate off to someone else. Maybe if other people eat it with them then, they don't feel so bad themselves for eating so much of it. I know what it was like for me when I was still using chocolate as a drug. I would go to a dinner party and want to eat just the chocolate desert all night, because of what others might think I didn't, but I wanted to.
I would have cravings come on after I had been off of it for a few weeks. All I could think about was chocolate. I would give in and head to the nearest grocery store and get two or three bags of dark chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips and stash them until they were all gone. I then would go on a strike against chocolate again. It would be the merry-go round until the day I knew I could not do this alone. I asked for a healing. (that story is below in the prior blog)
When I walked out that day knowing that I was whole and no longer craved chocolate I realized that I was forgiven for any and everything I had done up to the very moment to hurt myself and others. I had created a new me, I was whole I was clean, I was brand new!

Chocolate would cross my mind every once in awhile, after my healing, but it was not the same urge or craving that I had before. I was living a free life without the cravings and guilt and shame. I was taking a good look at myself and noticing that I had been carrying around a great deal of pain and self doubt inside of me. I started to realize that I had done this to myself, my thoughts were my own worst enemy. I was depressed about the failures I had in my marriage and with my children. I focused on that and so I used chocolate to give me some pleasure. Now without it I needed to replace those old thoughts with new up lifting thoughts. I was doing a pretty great job of staying positive when my Dad passed away. I didn't start eating chocolate again but I was so sad and I missed going to him with advice I needed about my life. The sadness came to me with the sweet memories of my childhood with such a great father. I was very close to him, we did so many great things together. We learned how to snow ski and water ski with each other. I rode motor cycles with him and we had many late night talks about religion and faith and God. He was so open and easy to discuss things with. On the day of his funeral I couldn't believe the day had come that I would be going to my fathers funeral. I was in the bathroom getting my makeup on when I smelt this familiar sent. It was the sent of Camey Soap. That was the soap my mother bought while I was growing up. It is the sent that our bathroom in McCall Idaho smelt like and after all these years, I all of a sudden could smell it very distinctly. My thoughts went back to the memories of our summers in McCall, we use to call it "The Lakes" when I was a little girl. I knew that the only other person who knew that smell and could possibly be in the room with me at that moment was my Dad. I came to the conclusion later that because I was in my bathroom he used a familiar sent in my memories so I would recognize that it was him. My dad had a very good sense of humor and I am sure that was something he would do. Because he knew so many people that loved him and would miss him I think he just used what he could so as to get to as many people as he could to say good bye. I was grateful for that message with the soap, it helped me to know that he love me and that I was not going to be forgotten. There have been many times that my Dad has been with me since then. He lives and he helps me to this day with things that I struggle with.
I have noticed when receiving information from the spirit world so to speak or my angles, when a message is given it is done with simplicity and familiar energy. This helped me with my decision that I would be free of chocolate. To know that I am loved and that I have someone on the other side of the veil cheering for me to do well on this planet life.
Now when I want to let go of other things in my life, that stopped me from moving forward, I take it to a special place in my heart, which now is my alter. I pray and ask for help. I take my thoughts that are held in our three upper chakras and put them to an emotion. Here is a side note about emotions: (I have listened to Candice Pert speak on a CD from her book- Your Body Is Your Subconscious. She is a scientist who has written many wonderful books and papers about our bodies. She says that we have the same receptor sites all over our body that are in our brain. She also says that our emotions are very important for our natural chemicals to be released properly into our cells.) So if you put that with what Gregg Braden says: we put these ideas with the emotions we can come up with a feeling. The feeling is going to move these natural chemicals or drugs we produce in our bodies to the proper cell receptors and we are going to feel better. This can also have a reverse affect if we feel stressed all the time. I believe this is true. When I decide what I want to replace my addictions with, which brings up a better feeling, my body works with me to make that happen. When I put this with asking my spirit and God I can move a mountain. My own mountains. There have been several times I have seen in myself, things that needed to be changed, since my chocolate experience. I take them to my alter. Some of them I have kept picking up and holding on to for dear life before I let them go. But in the end I finally said enough and off they go.

What is it you want to put on the alter of your life? Do you need help with it? Put a comment on my blog and let me know.
I send you a bright light in your heart to Day!

MORE CHOCOLATE PLEASE

2008-01-12T12:04:00.000-08:00

(*for whole story go to "Chocolate Hook" below.)
Yes, we all want more of this rich irresistible substance. But why? The why for me will be told after I expound some on what my life was like during the many years of indulgence.
Now this is not a pity party I am writing about. This is what I have been able to work out about my life. As a child, (this is were all things start), being the youngest I felt left out. I found out many years later that I left myself out, and here is why. I had to be on my very best behavior, look perfect and don't look or be a way that might cause someone to be unhappy. That is a lot of pressure to put on a child. Perfectionism was not only my mothers way of living but it was also in my fathers way of doing things. So double whammy for me and my three sisters. I found if I could keep my bedroom and anything I did in the house as perfect as I could there was usually less capital punishment from my mother. On the other hand if I could "do", water ski or snow ski, shovel rocks, wash the boat or cars, drive the boat etc., the way my dad wanted me to he would pay attention to me and take me with him. This is not to say that my parents didn't love me because they did to the best way they knew how and I loved them. This also sounds like I was a spoiled child with all that stuff and what is so wrong with work for a child? But it was not the work that I had a hard time with. It was that I felt it had to be perfect. There were many times as a new wife and mother that I would stand back and say to myself: if my mother were to be here right now would she approve? If I saw something out of place I would then fix it. Try to be a sane mother of little ones and have that belief, that doesn't work. So inside I always felt inadequate.
When I saw that my friends were better than me at sports, I felt like I had failed in some way. Here I was doing everything I knew how to be the best, then, here comes someone who knows a way to do it better. I spent so much time trying to prove to myself that I was important and good enough. Along with this there was generational depression. So as an adult I suffered from self doubt and depression.
I grew up in a home that our religion did not allow alcohol use, even though I dabbled in it for a short while, so I didn't drink to drown my problems. What I did do was to work more and push harder, physically and mentally. I was on a self imposed merry-go-round. Day in and day out around and around I would go. Disapprove of myself, then work really hard to feel better. After six children and a terrible marriage I went to the one thing that would make me feel better, C-H-O-C-L-A-T-E! Along with this I also went to as many classes and self help courses that I could possible find. I became a coach, an instructor of workshops and went to six years of college in psychology while still eating chocolate, I was still into being perfect even with these instruments of healing. I realized chocolate was a drug to me. I was self medicating myself. To keep from crying all the time, or sleeping all day and from screaming at my kids.
(If You will go to Dr. Mona Lisa Schultz web site she tells why we self medicate with carbohydrates ) This chocolate was a drug that kept me from crumbling. It kept me from dropping over the edge to no return.
I did try anti-depressants for a few months but there were none that really helped me. I changed my diet and became a Vegan for a few years that helped me so much. I started running short distances again and that was even better. I needing my chocolate though I had decreased my intake of it. However I was continuing telling myself that I was not important enough and that I must do better. I did really well when I was high on my chocolate, at least I had everyone fooled that I was. Then when my second marriage started to crash, I hit the point that I had had enough and I wanted to be happy.
The only thing I knew was to get on my knees in urgent earnest prayer. By this time I was hiding my chocolate use, because it was so often that I eat it, my husband was worried I would get fat. That was all I needed to hear, and I must not get fat, so I worked hard not getting fat for him. I kept saying that I had quit using chocolate, then I would find myself at the store buying a bag of something dark and chocolaty.
I had read in the scriptures that if you ask God for something with real intent and with faith, and for your good he would give it to you. So I went to the temple of my church. I went in to the alter of the temple and I asked God to remove this problem from me. This was after fasting, much prayer and pondering about it for a few days. After placing this on the alter of that temple that day, I immediately knew then that it was gone. It was gone! I felt a sweet feeling come over me. I received many pieces of spiritual information that day that are sacred to me that I will not mention here, but my life was changed forever. I walked out of the Temple healed. I have never craved or wanted chocolate since that day. I can't really stand the smell of it even now. It was done. I was free. After all these years I felt free and peace about this albatross I had chosen for myself. I was no longer depressed I had life and energy and I had a happy feeling. I started running more, I have ran six marathons and 10 half marathons since then. I don't run those anymore. I just run because I love it now. I run 4-8 miles a day and that is enough for me.
The day at the alter is a day that I will never forget and it is sweet and special to me now. It has been a wonderful point in my life that I have been changing many things that have kept me from being and feeling free and love. Of cores I have and will have things that I am working on all the time. But that was the key that opened my heart to healing myself and knowing that I could through a divine power that I or anyone can go to and "ask and it will be given to you"

Because of this experience I have been on a path of learning many modalities of healing through energy. I have experienced my family, friends and others who have learned these modalities. I will be sharing them with you through my blogs.
Take your problems to the alter of God and ask for it to be healed. And it will if you have faith that it will. Have a happy day today!

CHOCOLATE HOOK

2008-01-11T10:05:00.000-08:00

LUXURIOUS, RICH,SUMPTUOUS, SMOOTH, INTOXICATING......... BINGING!

In February 1999 I realized I was completely and almost hopelessly an addict of
chocolate. I was at the bottom of the going hard core darker than dark chocolate.
I would only eat the best and the most bitter I could find. If someone offered me
something chocolate flavored I felt like I had been insulted that it was not the real thing. I could tell that they new nothing about this brown, sleek, velvety substance that I used on a daily bases to bring heaven to my lips. I wasn't rude, but when they weren't looking I got rid of it. Non of this imitation cheep waxy gunk for me. I was the Guru of chocolate. I knew where you could get the best and I spent big bucks to have it.
If I wanted it fast then I stuck to the bags of Ghirardelli chocolate chips. If you are vegetarian you look to see if there is any bovine in it. This is the only chocolate chip retailer that didn't use animal fat in their chocolate. Now candy stores, that is another story. You have to ask, and most use it.
I was so hooked on this luscious substance that if I was wanting it and I was out, even at 2:00am in the morning, I went for the coco box. You know that box that has powdered coco for cooking, yea that one. I only did that a couple of times and it isn't quite the same without the sugar in it. Now I have been eating chocolate for many years before 1999. This date however is the one that sticks in my mind because this is the day I spent laying in a heap crying my eyes out because I could not stop eating CHOCOLATE. But we will get back to this later.

I want to tell you just how much chocolate was in my life. It was in my linen closet underneath the sheets. It was in the glove box of my car. It was stashed in my knitting bag and under the the couch, but the one place it was always sure to be was in the freezer, nice and crunchy cold. I loved it frozen because I liked the hard crunch of it. I ate it with nuts in it mostly. I love the variety that the nuts gave it. I put it with my ice-cream any flavor, after almost every meal, and always while watching a movie at home or in the theater.
When I was in a landscape business I took two pound bags of M&Ms to work and shared it with the other workers, so I didn't feel so bad that I was the one that ate the most. My kids also ate a lot of my M&Ms and other chocolate because I gave it to them.
Are you relating to this? If you are you might be having what I had. I say had because I have not eaten a whole piece of chocolate or a chocolate chip since this date I am writing about.
I have bought it for others and made cakes and cookies and even fudge and I have left it alone.
If you want to know more about chocolate and addictions come back I will be writing more about this next time. For now have a day filled with peace and joy. Jacklen

What Kind of Lamp would you be?

2008-01-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Jan. 4, 2008 I was listening to Hay House Radio to Sonia Choquette a PH.D. that teaches how to be an intuitive. Helping one of her callers with using visualization she asked " if you were a flower what kind of a flower would you be what color etc." I was thinking what kind would I want to be. Then she said if you where a lamp what kind of light would you be. My mind was interrupted when these words came to my heart. You have heard about the lamps that the 10 Virgins used in the New Testament. Now I can't tell you why this came to me but it did. I have studied the scriptures and have likened them to myself so much that when my angles tell me things they sometimes point me to what I know best. I also have been on a quest for many years to know the mystery's of God. So I went to the scriptures for more information on what had just flown into my head. I say flown because I sure didn't have the ten virgins on my mind right then. I must admit I really love my study time, it is like going on a treasure hunt. I love how fascinating it is to find these hidden facts and knowledge that no one else knows, it is personal revelation just for me. I was given that information as a gift from a higher source. Now here I was in the middle of my work listening to this IPod download and -shoosh- came this thought. I have learned through the years that these are important messages that I must pay attention to. They are always filled with information just for me to learn more about myself and to be guided on a safe journey here on the earth.

These messages are the most important of life energy I have. Mainly because this is my divine connection to God, and my higher power. I use to wonder at first when I got this -shoosh- feeling in my ears that it was just me and it was crazy. Now I have learned to pay close inattention and follow what ever is given to me. I have gained more and more confidence that this is my intuition the gate to all that I am. I call this information that I am receiving, my personal revelation or Angles and Guides. My higher power that is connected to these wonderful friends of mine. I am so happy and blessed to have such great spirits all around me to give me guidance.

I felt this great urge to run home and open my scriptures and read about the lamps told in the story of the Ten Virgins. However I didn't. I called my daughter Sundy first to tell her that I had been given some information again and discussed this with her. She was so happy and anxious to see what could come up for me. She is use to me sharing this information with her. When I got home later I put the puzzle pieces together.

This is the process I use when given information that can be found in the scriptures.

First I ask my Angles as I go along if this is the way for me to discover what it is they are telling me. I think they know that I love the hunt to find the clues. Especially when it comes to the teachings I had growing up. Also my love of finding truths in the scriptures.

I use the scriptures, dictionaries, bible dictionaries, Topical guides, prayer, numerology and many questions such as "Ok now what?"
This is what I found:Lamp- The Parable of the Ten Virgins

Math 25 1-13 First what is meant by virgins, In this case I doubt it has anything to do with sex. But being pure, pure means it is not adulterated, doesn’t have a bunch of stuff mixed with it. Webster says: ( your are not going to believe this) it says free from harshness, or roughness and being in tune—use of a musical tone. Isn’t that what we are doing when we meditate?

Then Virgin means: The Webster also says: inexperienced in a specific sphere of activity. I think it is interesting it says sphere. So if we apply this to the parable, the 10 virgins have not had some kind of an experience so they don’t know if they are not in tune, what to do etc. If we don’t know how to be like the Lord (Bridegroom) we surly won't be resonating with him. So we must practice being like him. By being quiet, in the present, in a high positive vibration. If you are equating the Bridegroom with Christ the Lord, then you would be love.

The children of Israel were commanded they have pure oil to burn continuously out side the portable Tent -Temples-Tabernacle, Why did they need this oil night and day. That is an easy one. We must be in tune and aware at all times even in our dreams. When we feel the darkest, to know that it is our guides and angles sending us further light and knowledge. We must BE IN THE PRESENT, (have our lamps full) to stay lighted, to have faith. When we do we will go forward with action even if we don’t know for sure what we are doing. We will vibrate in the same vibration even if we don’t know how or what to do. If we have faith then to listen to the voice in our heads and hearts that says look at the parable of the Ten Virgins, the truth come to us and then we know what to do. And the best part is, we feel that wonderful feeling that we truly are blessed that there is this thing we are seeking. Pure energy.

5 had filled their lamps so they didn’t have to do that later when they heard that the Bridegroom had come. They took oil with them. Are we doing all that we can do to be authentic and noticing what is coming to us all the time. When we are getting information form the Angles do we recognize it.?

5 did not take any oil They didn’t have any to take with them so they couldn’t go when the time came. Is the oil light? Is it the light that we need to be able to manifest peace and happiness in our own lives? We can not manifest all the good and we will not be in the right place at the right time and have all our needs met if we doubt what is coming to us. We can have all that God has if we become like him. And he will know us when he comes. We will have his image in our countenance.. seek to be in tune, in the vibration of creating.

While the bridegroom tarried they all slept -cross Ref.- D&C 35:21-22 Mormon 9: 13-17 God is a God of Miracles and when we are redeemed through Christ “he/she that is happy shall be happy still, he/she that is unhappy shall be unhappy still. When I read this it was a big AH HA! for me. We are who we chose to be. The 5 virgins that had the oil in their lamps chose to have it, the other chose not to. I could have chosen to just let the message of the Ten Virgins go. But look at all this information I have learned about becoming intuitive for myself.

Also it is by the word of God that created the physical man which is the dust (Particles) of the earth, (we know by studying the Pearl of Great Price and through Quantum Physics that dust is all the stuff that everything is made of. And by his work miracles have been WROUGHT- means from Webster Collegiate dictionary it says: past and past part of work also worked into shape by artistry or effort, carefully.

In verse 6 of Math 25 the cross ref. is D&C 88:92 And angels will fly through the mists of heaven crying with a loud voice, sounding the trump of God saying: Prepare ye, prepare ye inhabitants of the earth…the bridegroom cometh go ye out to meet him. and 133:10 a cry go forth among all people: awake and arise and go forth to meet the Bridegroom….prepare yourselves. I believe that cry is what I am hearing for myself at this time in my life.

The cry (My Angles,) to serve others with my hidden talents (which I am finding that hidden means mystery, and mystery means there is a certain path for me to know what is good and right for me.)

Back to Math 25:1-13 verse 7 cross reference for lamps, Luke 12: 24-28
24 Consider the Ravens for they neither sow or reap nor have store houses nor barn…and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls: 25 and which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit: not with out the oil, lamp our intuitive part of us developed.

26 If ye than be not able to do that thing which is least why take thought (worry negative thought) for the rest. 27 Consider the lilies how they grow they toil not, they spin not… 28 If God then so clothe the grass… how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith.
D&C 33:17 This says to be ready pray and light your lamps the light take faith. God is always there when we are ready to give us what we need.

Math 25:10 This is about the 5 foolish, they went to buy oil, but when they came back the doors were shut. Ref. For shut is locked. No other scrip ref. for this. Locked to me means that I don’t know how to get the door to open or I chose not to make it an important part of my life. There are all kinds of keys there are the little metal kind and then there are the spiritual keys.

Math 25: 12 Verily I know you not… Ref. For the word know is Matt 7:23 this leads to the parable of the person who builds there house upon the sand…the last scripture has no cross ref. But is about that no one knows when he will come. Neither the day or the hour where in the Son of Man cometh.
Okay so why is this so important to me today. Because I am asking for knowledge and help to know about this spiritual work we all are embarked on at this time. There is no turning back now. We are in the midst of it and we know too much to not know this.
What I feel this means is that the Ten Virgin parable came to me when hearing about what kind of Lamp I would be if I was a lamp. Now after looking at these scriptures and the cross reference I see that in order for me to be like God I must fill myself with the knowledge that Angles are hear with us and miracles are happening everyday. When I am in tune my lamp is always full.

This next piece of information is some numerology if found. .Pretty interesting stuff.
Thus wherever ten is found this completeness of order is also seen. Ten implies completeness of order, nothing lacking and nothing over. It signifies that the cycle is complete and that everything is in its proper order. Thus ten represents the perfection of divine order.

Ten is the first of the triangular numbers which has a center. A triangular number is one that can be arranged into a perfect equilateral triangle. Start with a single counter (coin, marble, or indeed anything, but round objects work best). Then add a row of two under it to form a triangle. Thus three is a triangular number, but has no center. Then add a row of three under that, thus six is a triangular number but also has no center. Add a row of four underneath and we have a triangle of ten, which has a center. The central counter of the "ten" triangle is the fifth. The progression of triangular numbers continues on to infinity. It turns out that every third triangular number has a central position.

However ten is the only one in which the central position is occupied by the half of the total number. Thus among triangular numbers ten is marked as unique and special. Starting with the number one, ten is the fourth triangular number. Thus ten partakes to some extent of the symbolic meaning of the number four, the number of the world. It is our natural, physical bodies with ten fingers and toes that make it "natural" to use a counting system based upon tens.

As you can see we could study on this subject to infinity. But I will say this is finished for today. I will most certainly never be the same when I think of the number ten or the parable of the Ten Virgins but mostly it is a great symbol to me now that being ready with oil is to know that I am never alone and that I am always being guided. If I know this and ask for help I am ready. The lamp that I am becoming is so bright that I can help other see their way.

Thank you Angles!